Ah, marriage—the institution where you sign up for love, loyalty, and joint tax returns. For some, it’s the ultimate goal, like a Pinterest board brought to life, while others break into hives just thinking about matching towels.
Some folks want all the perks of a marriage but none of the paperwork. But here’s the thing—you can’t always cherry-pick the benefits without doing the work.
That’s the message one Redditor was getting from her boyfriend. So, when their little bundle of joy showed up on the ultrasound, she figured no ring, no name. Fair, right? Apparently not.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:Skipping the wedding but claiming legacy rights is like quitting a team and still demanding the trophy
One mom-to-be refuses to give her baby her partner’s last name after he claims marriage is a scam but still demands the baby take his name
The couple have been dating for three years when the woman accidentally gets pregnant, but they are both happy about the baby
The man doesn’t believe in marriage, claiming it’s “a scam for men,” but still demands the baby take his last name—not the mom’s
The man accuses the mom-to-be of trying to pressure him into marriage using the baby, as she refuses to give the child his name
The OP (original poster) and her boyfriend have been together for three years. They’re solid, they’ve talked about kids, but they aren’t married. Not because they’re unsure about each other. No, no—it’s because the dude declares that marriage is a “scam for men.” Yup, that old chestnut. No ring, no vows, no paperwork—but he wants that generational legacy. Make it make sense.
Our couple had a little “oopsie” moment and found out they were expecting a baby. While they weren’t exactly trying for a baby, they weren’t against it either. But when the baby name convo came up, that’s when things got heated.
This guy wants the kid to take his last name, but the OP isn’t having it. In her mind, it’s a clear “no ring, no name” situation. Suddenly, her boyfriend is calling her manipulative, accusing her of holding the baby’s name hostage to pressure him into marriage by using the child’s identity as leverage. Well, well, who’s manipulative now?
Meanwhile, the pregnant OP is over here just trying to make sure that if she’s the one going through nine months of pickle cravings, swollen ankles, and pushing a tiny human out of her body, she at least gets to pass down her last name. Can we get this woman a crown, please?
So, who’s right here? Is this name game a form of emotional ransom, or is she just playing fair in the relationship rulebook? If someone doesn’t believe in marriage, they shouldn’t be shocked when they miss out on some of the privileges that come with it.
But why are some folks so afraid of commitment? Well, gamophobia, aka the fear of commitment, is more common than you think. Gamophobia isn’t just a quirky fear of tuxedos and tiered cakes—it’s a legit fear of commitment, particularly marriage.
To find out more about this topic, We reached out to Dr. Jane Greer, a marriage and family therapist and author of the book “Am I Lying To Myself? How To Overcome Denial and See the Truth,” for some comments.
Dr. Greer told us that fear of commitment (gamophobia) often stems from deeper emotional wounds tied to past experiences—like childhood abandonment, significant losses, divorce, or painful breakups. These early life events can create long-lasting anxieties around getting close to others or risking emotional pain again.
We wanted to know if someone who is afraid of commitment can still have a fulfilling, long-term relationship without marriage. Greer explained that it is possible, but it depends on the couple’s mutual understanding and alignment.
“If their partner is open, accepting, and willing to build a strong partnership without the traditional structure of marriage, then it can absolutely work. The key is that it must be a mutual decision—one based on respect, emotional safety, and shared beliefs,” Greer explained.
We wanted to know how people with this fear typically handle discussions about the future or commitment milestones. Greer told us that those with commitment-related anxiety often avoid future-oriented conversations. They tend to focus on the present moment, as thinking long-term can provoke feelings of anxiety or suffocation.
Planning for the future might feel too overwhelming or even threatening, leading them to shut down, sidestep, or give vague responses during such discussions.
We asked Dr. Greer if it is possible for someone with gamophobia to overcome it. She said, “Yes, it is possible, but it takes willingness and self-awareness. The first step is often seeking therapy, either individually or as a couple, to unpack where the fear is coming from—whether it’s past trauma, fear of failure, or loss of independence.”
For partners, it’s important to communicate the value they place on commitment and be honest about how long they’re willing to wait. However, they should also be prepared for the possibility that their partner may not be ready to change.
After all, you can’t just declare marriage is a scam and expect full benefits anyway—that’s basically a double standard. This guy rejects marriage because it’s “rigged against men,” yet he still expects his child to carry his last name, a tradition rooted in patriarchal values. See the irony? That’s a gender double standard.
A lot of men want to skip the parts of tradition that require effort or sacrifice but still cling to the bits that give them status or control. If we’re tossing out the institution of marriage, shouldn’t we also rethink who automatically gets the naming rights? Equality can’t be selective, buddy.
Luckily, after all the virtual advice and soul-searching, the OP and her boyfriend struck a deal. The baby will have her last name as the official surname, his last name as a middle name, and a meaningful family name from his side, depending on the baby’s gender. Honestly? That’s one elegant compromise.
What’s your take on this story? Are you on team mom or team dad? Drop your thoughts and comments below!
Netizens side with the woman, saying she is not the jerk for wanting to give her baby her last name
