Having someone you love break your heart and your trust is something that is difficult—if at all possible—to recover from; arguably even more so when it involves infidelity.
For this redditor, it was not only her husband’s unfaithfulness that seemingly ended their relationship. It was him moving his affair child into the family home that led to her thinking about filing for divorce. In addition to that, because of her husband’s child, the OP had to move their daughter and all of her stuff to her parents’ place for the time being, too.
Scroll down to find the full story in the woman’s own words below, where you will also find We’s interview with a relationship intelligence expert, Railey Molinario, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions on how a partner’s unfaithfulness can affect a relationship.
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There can be millions of reasons to end a relationship, a partner’s infidelity being one of them
Image credits: stefamerpik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
This woman had to make significant changes in her life after her husband told her about having a child out of wedlock
Image credits: pvproductions / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: BeneficialCricket417
“Infidelity is one of the most profound breaches of trust in the minds of most couples,” relationship expert says
Few things can arguably turn one’s world upside down like learning about their spouse’s infidelity. And while it is possible for the relationship to recover after such a breach of trust, oftentimes the latter brings it to a halt instead. According to Gitnux, as many as 30% of divorced couples say that infidelity was the primary reason for them going their separate ways.
Discussing the significance of trust in a couple’s life, relationship intelligence expert Railey Molinario noted that it is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. “It creates a sense of safety, allowing individuals to be vulnerable and authentic with one another. Without trust, a relationship lacks stability.”
The expert continued to point out that trust is built through consistent actions, open communication, and mutual respect, and it must be maintained through ongoing effort from both partners. Unfortunately, what takes time and effort to be built can be destroyed rather quickly if one of the partners engages in an affair.
“Infidelity is one of the most profound breaches of trust in the minds of most couples,” Molinario told We. “It often triggers intense emotions like betrayal, anger, sadness, and self-doubt. For the relationship, infidelity disrupts the emotional foundation, often leading to questions about identity, security, and the future of the partnership.”
The relationship expert noted that it is possible to fix a relationship after broken trust or infidelity. However, that, too, should be a team effort that requires commitment and work from both partners. That, according to Molinario, entails several crucial steps:
• “Acknowledgment and Accountability: The unfaithful partner must fully acknowledge their actions and take responsibility.
• Open Communication: Both partners need to express their feelings and work through the emotional fallout together.
• Rebuilding Trust: This is a gradual process requiring transparency, consistent behavior, and time.
• Professional Guidance: Relationship intelligence coaching provides a structured insight for healing and rebuilding the relationship.”
If one is unwilling to take these steps, going their separate ways might be the healthier, even if painful, option for the couple. “There are situations where moving on is the healthiest choice,” Molinario agreed. “If the relationship lacks mutual respect, willingness to work through the issues, or misaligned values and expectations, it may not be possible to rebuild the connection. The decision to stay or leave should be made with self-awareness and clarity, focusing on what aligns with one’s values and long-term well-being.”
Being unfaithful to one’s partner is, unfortunately, not unheard of
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
As painful as it is, infidelity is not that rare of an occurrence. Statista’s data from 2021 revealed that in the US alone, over one-in-five adults admit to having cheated on their partner at least once in their lives. Unfortunately, the OP’s husband, too, was involved with someone outside his marriage, which resulted in him fathering a child out of wedlock.
A study delving deeper into how many children came into this world as a result of one or both of their parents’ being involved in an affair found that historically, the rates of extra-marital births are rather low, somewhere around 1%. However, they were determined to differ depending on social context and location.
Nowadays, despite a growing number of children being born out of wedlock, it’s arguably difficult to determine how many of them enter this world due to their parent’s involvement in an affair, as many people simply choose to create families without getting married.
Men and women tend to engage in infidelity in different ways
Discussing the results of an online survey, answered by nearly 95,000 participants, a Full Professor in the Department of Psychology at Saint Mary’s University in Halifax, Dr. Maryanne L. Fisher noted that women and men tend to engage in infidelity in different ways and for different reasons. In a piece for Psychology Today, she noted that women are more likely to engage in emotional or online affairs than their male counterparts. They are also more likely to become unfaithful when they have relationship problems or when they’re bored with their sex life. Men are reportedly more likely than women to engage in sexual infidelity, and to do it more than once.
Dr. Fisher also pointed out that the majority of people—just over half of them—who were unfaithful to their partners, confessed about it themselves, while roughly a fifth were caught by their partner.
“These findings suggest that the majority of individuals are willing to confess voluntarily, indicating a level of remorse, a desire to clear one’s conscience, and possibly a desire to repair the damage inflicted by the infidelity,” the psychology expert wrote.
It’s unclear whether or not the OP’s husband confessed, seeking to show remorse and fix any possible damage his actions might have caused. However, coming clean about the affair and about his daughter resulted in his other child being moved out of the house with all of her belongings and his wife planning on filing for divorce. The redditor spoke about her plans to divorce her husband in the comments under the post, where she shared more details with fellow netizens.
Many people didn’t think the OP was the jerk in the situation
Some pointed out that the situation wasn’t the 9-year-old’s fault, either
