While it is perfectly natural for spouses, as for any people, to not share everything and to have certain things that are private, sometimes, a married person can find themselves in a position where they are asked by their partner two seemingly contradictory things, or at least not compatible in any way with what is acceptable for them. This seems to have been the problem of this Redditor when she was asked by her husband to do most of the childcare chores for his kids from his previous marriage, but wasn’t allowed to have a relationship with his kids beyond the ‘nanny’ status.
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After the kid’s mother passed away a year ago, the woman agreed to do more for the kids
The man wanted his wife to do most of the childcare chores but didn’t allow her to discipline or adopt them
The woman refused to look after the twins for three days while her husband went to his friend’s bachelor party
The woman took it to Reddit when her marriage began to crumble over the disagreement with her husband about her status when it comes to her relationship with the man’s kids from his previous marriage.
She explained that when she met her husband, he made it clear that he wasn’t looking for a mother for his two children and the couple’s relationship was going well. However, the situation changed after the kids’ mother passed away a year ago.
While previously the kids’ mother was the one who had primary custody, now, their father has sole custody of his kids. This naturally meant the spouses had to put in a lot more time and effort into taking care of and raising the twins. The woman agreed to do more for the kids, as she was cooking for them and helping with their homework from time to time.
However, on the one hand, the man wanted his wife to do most of the childcare chores like school drop-offs and laundry and expected her to watch the kids for three days while he was at his friend’s bachelor party.
On the other hand, he insisted on staying the only real parent for his kids, as he yelled at the twins when they accidentally called the woman ‘mom’, he refused to allow the woman to adopt his kids and he didn’t even allow his wife to discipline them.
The woman explained that she didn’t want to build a stronger emotional connection with children that she had no legal rights to, and refused to watch them while her husband was at his friend’s.
The man didn’t accept his wife’s reasoning and called her a jerk for not babysitting his kids.
As the man refused to address her concerns, the woman eventually asked for a divorce and gave him 30 days’ notice to move out of the house.
The man called his wife a jerk for refusing to babysit his children while he is away
As the man didn’t address her concerns, the woman asked for a divorce and gave him 30 days’ notice to move out
Parenting Walkthrough discussed the possible challenges faced by stepfamilies, which included role ambiguity, as stepmothers may struggle to find their place in the family and may feel unsure what their role is, as well as differences in parenting styles between the kid’s biological parents and their stepparents.
They listed some key points on how to build a positive relationship with one’s stepchildren, which included refraining from trying to replace the kids’ biological mother. According to the source, even when the biological mother is absent or not involved, it’s not a stepparent’s role to take her place, but rather focus on building a positive relationship with their stepchildren.
Finally, Parenting Walkthrough emphasized that open communication with one’s partner is crucial when it comes to dealing with the challenges of being a stepmother. They advised making sure both parents are on the same page about the stepmother’s role and responsibilities and discussing any issues that arise along the way in a calm and respectful manner, adding a related point of practicing patience and understanding throughout the process.
Redditors shared their takes on the situation
